Commonplace
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Publick Occurrences 2.0

March 13, 2008

Santiago Matamoros! Viva McCain!

Filed under: 2008 elections,Founders — Jeffrey L. Pasley @ 7:00 am

Via TPM, I see that John McCain now has an even better spiritual advisor than John Hagee, one who was apparently too out there even for Father Huckabee. This would be megachurchman and televangelist (aren’t they all) Rod Parsley of Columbus, Ohio. (Parsley joins the late Ian Paisley in the elite corps of prominent religious fanatics whose names are common misspellings of mine.) Parsley isn’t anti-Catholic, or at least that isn’t his emphasis. Quite the opposite. He’s super pro-Catholic, if you mean the Catholicism of 15th-century Spain, where they thought Santiago Matamoros (“St. James, Killer of Moors”) was leading the Christian armies to take Iberia back from its North African Muslim conquerors. Then, of course, it was on to the New World, where they found darn few Muslims but plenty of heathens and precious metals.

Expounding a theme that I expect would do wonders for President McCain’s foreign policy, Parsley seems to find in the Spanish Conquest a lesson for our times, though not the one you might assume. Turns out the lesson was, Islam is devil worship and God wants us to stamp it out. Bring on the Inquisition, boys; no one expects the Spanish Inquisition.

David Corn quotes Parsley as follows:

I do not believe our country can truly fulfill its divine purpose until we understand our historical conflict with Islam. I know that this statement sounds extreme, but I do not shrink from its implications. The fact is that America was founded, in part, with the intention of seeing this false religion destroyed, and I believe September 11, 2001, was a generational call to arms that we can no longer ignore.

Somewhere, in whatever state of being would-be “national poets” progress to, the writers who promoted the idea of using “Columbia” as a name or nick-name for our fair land, with pleasant overtones of “discovery” and new ideas and freedom and such, are howling in pain. Even modern anti-Columbians, who associate Columbus with genocide and racism and religious intolerance, are not typically (or ever) in favor of that stuff. But I must admit that I shrink from our historic mission to wipe out other religions.

I do think that one way for Rod Parsley to fulfill his generational calling would be to make like a conquistador, take a few hundred of his toughest followers in boats to some Muslim country, and order the population to convert. When they refuse, Parsley can take a page from the good old Spanish conquest script, and promise that

with the help of God, we shall powerfully enter into your country, and shall make war against you in all ways and manners that we can, and shall subject you to the yoke and obedience of the Church and [President McCain]; we shall take you and your wives and your children, and shall make slaves of them, and as such shall sell and dispose of them as [McCain] may command; and we shall take away your goods, and shall do you all the mischief and damage that we can, as to vassals who do not obey, and refuse to receive their lord, and resist and contradict him; and we protest that the deaths and losses which shall accrue from this are your fault, and not that of [Presidents McCain or Bush], or ours, nor of these [Republican operatives] who come with us.

That should go down really well in Tehran. (The names were changed above to protect the innocent. I got no beef with King Juan Carlos.)

As for what values the United States was founded on, specifically regarding Islam, I give you Mr. Thomas Jefferson:

The bill for establishing religious freedom, the principles of which had, to a certain degree, been enacted before, I had drawn in all the latitude of reason and right. It still met with opposition; but, with some mutilations in the preamble, it was finally passed; and a singular proposition proved that its protection of opinion was meant to be universal. Where the preamble declares, that coercion is a departure from the plan of the holy author of our religion, an amendment was proposed, by inserting the word “Jesus Christ,” so that it should read, “a departure from the plan of Jesus Christ, the holy author of our religion;” the insertion was rejected by a great majority, in proof that they meant to comprehend, within the mantle of its protection, the Jew and the Gentile, the Christian and Mahometan, the Hindoo, and Infidel of every denomination.

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